How toxic is your internal dialogue?
Negative self-talk can be a massive roadblock for success. If you have a habit of being your own worst critic over time, those thoughts can affect your mental health, self-esteem, and ability to achieve your goals.
What are some of the things you say to yourself regularly? I’m a failure.
I’m not good enough.
My body is gross.
How can anyone love me?
I’m stupid.
I will never be able to accomplish anything great.
I don’t know why I bother trying I’m just going to mess up again.
Why do we say these awful things to ourselves?
You may think that you have control and understand that these thoughts aren’t true, however, if you continue with a negative self-narrative, in time these thoughts will shape how you perceive your own worth and ability. It’s important to take measures to put an end to these negative thought patterns.
Through self-awareness, shifting your perspective, and purposely taking steps to create new mental habits you can alter the tone of your thoughts and self-perception.
Here are a few strategies I use to help curb my own inner critic:
- Break the cycle – Notice when negative thoughts pop into your head and focus on replacing them with neutral or positive thoughts. Catching yourself in the act and cognitively choosing to stop the behavior can help rewire your thought process and the tone of your self-talk. This mindful practice can also help you learn to control your reactions to events in your life. Events + Thoughts = Emotions. Whether an event is good or bad how you react to that experience will
determine how you feel. If you find that you take negative experiences personally, you may feel like the world is out to get you. When you understand that you are in control of how you react and capable of taking the necessary action to work through your problem, you may find you feel more empowered and as a result less stressed when life gets tough.
- Good enough is better than perfect – It’s common to hold yourself to unrealistic expectations. Media images and articles on how to look and be “the best” inundate our news feed, inboxes, and magazines. The desire to create the Pinterest worthy life with a flawless home, picture-perfect family, and successful career all while looking like an airbrushed model does nothing but set you up for failure. Seriously, does anyone have that? Hell no! Trying to achieve perfection will
always lead to disappointment. Your ideal life may look nothing like the socially accepted model we assume is the goal. You are enough. Focus on the positive actions you have taken. Celebrate your progress. Stop comparing the life that fulfills you to the life of the person next to you. Your lives will never look the same and chances are you wouldn’t be happy if they did! No one is or will ever be perfect. Doing your best is good enough! If you release those unrealistic expectations, you can
decrease stress, improve self-esteem, and see the beauty in your perfectly imperfect life.
- Thoughts are not reality – Just because you have a thought, it doesn’t make it true. This goes for the opinions of others as well. You may think you are a failure, undeserving of love or success, or maybe someone has told you there is something you can’t do or that your dreams are ridiculous or impossible, but that is not your reality. Fear and insecurity cause doubt and stand in the way of your ability to take action. The stories you have told yourself about your own
strength, talent, and competence can be rewritten! The next time you have a negative thought about yourself, or question your ability to make your wildest dreams come true; ask yourself if it’s true. Is that thought a fact, or the byproduct of fear or insecurity? Turn your “I can’t’s” into “I can’s” and get out of your own damn way!
- Talk to yourself as you would a friend – Make a list of the negative things you tell yourself. Would you say these things to your best friend? Can you imagine how horrible it would feel to say those words to their face and how crushed they would be? What if someone else said those things to you? Would you accept those opinions as truth if you heard them from anyone but yourself or would you feel angry, misunderstood, and defensive? Why do you accept toxic negativity from
yourself but not others? You can stop the self bullying and change your internal dialogue. Be your own best friend and cheerleader. Focus on your positive attributes, your strengths, and your resilience when you are faced with challenges. Use self-affirmations, start a gratitude journal, or set aside time for introspection. Find an outlet that feels most comfortable for you. With practice you can transform your inner narrative and improve your mental health, increase your opportunity for
success, and brighten your outlook on life.
- Look at the bigger picture – It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the immediate situation that you are in, forgetting that this too shall pass. You may feel like you aren’t equipped to handle what life has thrown at you, afraid to take a chance or feel like you’re destined to fail over and over again. Pause, take a few steps back and consider how you will feel about this problem a week, a month, or years from now. Will this even matter to your future self? Will this mistake,
event, or stressful conundrum have a catastrophic effect on your future? What is the worst case scenario and if you found yourself in this position would you be able to survive? If you are reading this, you have survived 100% of your worst days, and I know that you are competent enough to make it through the next one. It’s difficult to feel hopeful about the future when you are in thick of tough times, but have faith that you will come out the other side stronger than ever.
We are all our own worst enemy. We are hardest on ourselves, hold ourselves to expectations we would never expect from anyone else, or fail to see our greatness and potential.
But that can change! We can choose to show ourselves compassion and start believing in ourselves.
If you find you frequently resort to self-deprecating thoughts or are doubting your own power and promise I urge you to take steps to break these patterns of thought and fully accept that you are worthy of success, happiness, and love…especially your own.
